Belonging

It seems we strive and strive to find “our place” in the world, sometimes in our communities, in our careers and even in our families. At some point while growing up, we get the sense that we have to do something, or be someone special or behave in certain ways in order to earn our place at the table, among friends, and in life. We learn that we need to send parts of who we are into exile in order to be accepted by family and friends. Then we wonder why we don’t feel whole, why we don’t feel like we belong. And then to find ourselves, because we really are lost when we’ve exiled core elements of who we are, we need to spend immense amounts of energy and effort to find and call back those exiled parts of us.

We can fall into thinking that once we find our place, whatever that is, we will truly belong. Not knowing if we are “on the right path” in life comes from the same, often subtle, sense of not yet really belonging. The economics of our society demand that we feel lacking, so this almost forced, split apart lives of individuals is reinforced constantly by our culture. If we constantly yearn then we will constantly buy, trying to fulfill ourselves and our lives through commodities. But no amount of commodities will suffice.

In order to feel we belong, we need to feel whole. That means finding your exiled parts of you and owning them once again. It’s only in presenting our full selves to the world that we can accept and understand our worth. And we each have great worth. If you were born, then you were called into being by the universe (or God or the gods or whatever your worldview needs to read here). You were meant to be here, the whole of you, and that means you have a purpose, not the least of which is to belong and know who you are.

Human beings are the only species who says “you don’t belong here”. Our demographic group belongs here and you don’t. Our species belongs here and you (plants/animals) don’t. So much harm and devastation to humanity and the rest of nature has been wrought by adhering to the false notion that “you don’t belong here”. When will we wake up? 

We all belong here. And that means that while you belong here, so does everyone else. While you work to retake ownership of all that you are, let everyone else retake ownership of who they are. It just won’t work any other way. 

Calling back those parts of you that you disowned doesn’t mean acting with abandon, acting out every emotion you have or stepping on other’s rights. It means finding what you lost and bringing it back into yourself and into maturity. Did you stop singing, creating art, give up a dream because someone else insisted you take up a career you really don’t want? Did you adopt others’ ideas of the world and how we should live in it so that you could be accepted by family or friends? Did circumstances seem to push you in one direction when you were sure you needed to go in another? What does your heart want you to give yourself to? What gives you joy?

Bringing back the exiled parts of you can be a challenge to anyone who is still working to keep parts of themselves exiled. In taking ownership of that which you have exiled, you are setting an example and, in a way, holding up a mirror to others wherein they see that they have exiled parts of themselves. Many people are not ready to reclaim and own all of themselves. It could mean some friends no longer make healthy friendships for you. It could mean some family members want to distance themselves from you. Being true to yourself isn’t always easy but it is always worth the effort.

Try this. Start with one who accepts you totally and has been yearning for your acceptance of their belonging, too: a tree. That may sound ridiculous but I assure you it’s not. Choose a tree in your yard, at a park, in the woods, wherever. Walk up to the tree and ask the tree for permission to touch him/her/them. Open your senses and wait for an answer. Abide by the answer. If the answer is no, this is not rejection; the tree is simply letting you know another tree is better for you at this time. So, seek another tree. If the answer is yes, touch the tree and give a greeting. Let it know you yearn to belong. Let the tree know that you accept that the tree belongs, too. Spend time just being with the tree. If thoughts or impressions come into your head, consider them food for reflection. Many writers and philosophers have shared how they have learned from the trees and other creatures in nature. This isn’t woo woo. It’s serious work about belonging and about relationships.